"You've gotta be flaming joking, mate," blurts out Uncle Al. He's an effervescent character with a thick Australian accent that conceals his true Kiwi blood.
Uncle Al visits his Mum and Dad in Dunedin every few years from his adopted home town of Perth, Western Australia. He turns up at Dunedin International Airport with a swag of Al-isms that he rolls out at any opportunity and he renames everyone with a name ending in ...zza, so Rachael becomes Razza, Perry becomes Pezza and Derek becomes ... Dezza. It's un-Australian not to, according to Uncle Alzza.
But it's not just his endearing faux-Australianisms that make Al such a magnetic personality. He also comes to Dunedin with just two or three weeks up his sleeve – "hardly enough time to fillet a blue cod, Dezza!"
So he hits the grand old city of Duzza with an enthusiasm that's as infectious as his grin. Much to the despair of his 88-year-old mother, his list looks a bit like this:
Catch or buy blue cod, take the Speight's brewery tour, check out the Forsyth Barr Stadium, visit Cadbury World, coffee at St Clair, watch the All Blacks at the new stadium, gather every family member together within a 300-mile radius and drive them all to Long Beach for a barbecue and beach footy, catch some more blue cod, visit family again, buy an All Black top, eat some blue cod with a Speight's, find a sympathetic family member to watch the Aussie Rules final with, watch the All Blacks, watch the NRL Grand Final, eat blue cod, ride a bike around the new harbour cycle path, visit the best blue cod shop in the world, eat a cheese roll, have a beer in the Octagon, pretend to kick a Moeraki boulder, spot an albatross, exhausted yet? "no flaming way, Dezza!". Go to St Clair, walk to the poles, take a photo of the poles, blue cod for lunch, "not bad, Dezza!", look longingly out to sea imagining you're a surfer, say "bro" a few times, bro, back to the family for some more quality time, ride a bike to the beach, drive out Otago Peninsula, visit Hooper's Inlet, catch a blue cod, slip down the Catlins with my bro, dinner and beers with Big Al, a day at the beach, slippin' sloppin' and slappin' from the Duzza sun, buy some salmon wings as a chaser for a blue cod main, quality time with the family, share some stories, more blue cod, buy some duty free, presents for the kids, lunch with Dezza and Razza at St Clair, walk to Second Beach ...
Al's obsessive compulsive devotion to Dunedin serves as a good reminder to us all not to take our backyard for granted – and he doesn't even surf – yet. Get out there and live it!
See you at the bezza ...
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